Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Two words: blizzard sex
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
