My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
