i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
