too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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