I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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