So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
