On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Randomize