Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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