Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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