THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
