I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
