My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
