I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
