Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
