we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize