Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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