She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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