dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize