You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize