People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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