She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
My pussy is not your playground.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
