Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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