next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
