Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
