I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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