I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
