JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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