Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
