Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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