This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
