I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
