Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
