chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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