At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
