You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize