A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
