someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
