We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Come share oat with me in your robe
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
