She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
