So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
