I need to stop coming to work sober
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
