I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
