My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
