Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
