There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
