Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
