After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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