I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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