Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
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