It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
