well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
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