I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
