Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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