there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize