He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
That was before I lit my hair on fire
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
