you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
