I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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