We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
