Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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