i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
