You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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