You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
