I'm so fucking centered right now
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize