i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
